Rhoades Trip

Some are completely unsolveable, some are not.  Some need to be solved, some do not.  In lieu of actual content, take it or leave it.

* How is it possible to take a long sleeve shirt off and leave the body of the shirt right side out, but the sleeves inside out? 

* Why are you wearing a long sleeve shirt in the first damn place?  It’s 80 friggin degrees out.

* Where is the leak in that damn ring?  It’s making me nuts!

* Why is it necessary to run around like a screaming banshee 75% of the day?

* Peter Pan - myth or real?

* Walgreen’s calls me twelve times a day to remind me that the prescription is ready.  But, they can’t call me once to tell me that it isn’t?  What?

* This new obsession with my keys.  Please explain.  Also, where did they go this time?

* Hossa said it wasn’t about the money, but he went to the freaking Red Wings for $7.45 million, turning down between $7 and $7.5 million a year from the Pens. 

* The very fact that I’m at all concerned about what Hossa does at all.

* Gasoline.  Petrol.  Fuel.  $4.00 a gallon?!  Who is to blame for that?  And where do they live?  I’ll ride my horse right on over and kick their ass.

* Playdoh.  The shit is never supposed to get hard, assuming it’s in the can with a lid on it.  Why is all of ours harder than a sailor on shore leave?  (Thanks for that one, Daddy.)

* The weather.  It’s only 74 degrees on July 3rd.  Global Warming can kick in any old time, as far as I’m concerned.  What the hell?

* Matchbox cars.  Who knew they could fly through the air at a rate approaching the speed of sound.

* I thought the second year was supposed to be the horrible one.  The third year is kicking my ass on a daily basis.  Tuesday, I was one of those mothers.  You know, the one with the out of control toddler screeching at her while she gritted her teeth and told the toddler to sit her ass back down in that cart before it gets smacked.  And the teeth were only gritted so no one arrested her for screaming in the middle of the damn grocery store. 

* On days when I want the cream cheese to soften slowly, over hours, it takes minutes.  On days when I want it soft in minutes, it takes hours.  The universe is surely screwing with me.

Now that that’s off my chest, I’m going to go see if my damn cream cheese is soft yet.  Have a lovely fourth, y’all!

When I’m dreaming of NeverLand. 

Anna has a new obsession with ‘Pee Pa.’ 

Mommy is paying the price. 

The first time she identified TinkerBell as ‘me’ I thought it was adorable.  Now?  I’d like to lock her in the lantern when the credits cue up for the third time in a day. 

Also?  Can you possibly help me find a way to make her STOP putting Grace’s entire wardrobe in Grace’s crib with her?  Every bedtime and naptime.  In it goes.  Socks, pants, shorts, shirts, all of it.  Every blooming thing out of the dresser.

Frustrating times at the Rhoades Homestead.

…

Okay, and amusing, too.

…I should update.  The thing is, I just don’t have all that much to say.  My parents hosted a birthday party for me over the weekend.  Nobody came.  Except my kids (all 6 of them), my parents, Pappy, Pete and Jenn and her kids.  I made some of Denise’s special Pina Coladas and drank the majority of them by myself.  My mother had enough food to feed the 101st Airborne Division, and we ate almost all of it over the course of the weekend.  I took lots of pictures of Noah, Annie and Gracie. 

Sunday, Gary and my Dad took me to my very first ever 3D shoot.  Gary got a 283 and I got a 235.  Out of a possible 300, so I’d say that was pretty respectable.  I’m a bit confused though, I hit the beaver; I hit the fox; I hit the coyote and even the crocigator.  I only had one miss.  It was the caribou.  Explain that one. 

***

My mother gave me some troubling news on Monday.  Saturday at noon, Darby is going to be put down.  From what I understand, she kind of fell up the deck stairs Sunday and basically lost the use of her back legs.  The next morning, she could walk as fine as she ever did.  However, being part German Shepard, she does have very bad arthritis and she is fourteen years old.  Mom has been fighting this for some time, saying that you don’t just get rid of a dog because she’s an inconvience.  While I’m sad that they had to reach the decision, I’m glad Darby will be out of pain.  She can terrorize George in pet heaven.  What a reunion. 

***

Annie is completely daytime potty-trained.  Woot!  Yesterday, she even got out of the pool to go pee.  She now wears underpants everywhere during the day, except of course at naptime, stores and everything!   

She is also officially a big girl bed sleeper now.  She even naps in it.  I think she should get some chocolate ice cream tonight.  Just because. 

***

Miss Grace had her fifteen month well-baby checkup yesterday and is perfectly healthy.  As near as I can figure, anyway.  I am conducting a search for a new pediatrician.  Not only did he keep us in the lobby for damn near forty-five minutes, plus another twenty in the exam room, he was with Grace for about two minutes - if that.  At any rate, she is now twenty-nine inches long (tall?) and weighs in at a whopping twenty-one and a half pounds.  She’s still on the small side, but I think that’s just how she’s wired - delicately. 

She also had mango for the first time today.  She enjoyed it. 

***

I’ll make you all a deal.  I’ll empty the camera tonight and post some pics tomorrow.  You can look at them then.

***

Oh!  I will be the official Wedding Photographer in August when Andrea gets married.  Which is odd, simply because I remember the day she came home from the hospital.  Infants should not be allowed to get married, should they?  I think not.

***

Jenn has a new blog, by the way.  Check it out.  She’s actually updating this one on a regular basis. 

***

The boys are going to Kirk’s for supper tonight.  And we all know what that means, right?  ICE CREAM CONES!!  What were you thinking?

***

Sorry, but that’s the best I can do right now.  You’ll adjust.

Whatever, I’m thirty now.  Rob called me on Wednesday to see if I was ‘nervous’ about turning 30.  The answer was a resounding ‘NO.’  Twenty-eight?  That one might have bothered me.  Thirty?  Pshaw.  It’s all good.

Until my step-sons started pointing out my non-existent grey hairs.  I really don’t have any.  Honest. 

No, really.  They’re blonde. 

At any rate, Kirk, Denise and Noah came over for supper.  We had pulled pork sandwiches and my special baked beans.  Noah had a biter biscuit.  Which he promptly schmeared all over himself and anyone else in a three block radius. 

Yes, I made my own Birthday Supper.  Is it weird that I wanted it that way?  Well, I did have some help, of course. 

 

And Pioneer Woman’s Peach Crisp for dessert.  Oh My Goodness, go make it right NOW.  It’s that good!

Noah can officially crawl now. 

And fly, too.

He’s also just about as tall as his Aunt Gracie.  Which either means he’s an Amazon or she’s a Wee Wonder.  Take your pick. 

And the girls decided that it would be a good time to climb in and out of the baby crib, since Grammy was here and Grammy never says no. 

Also, this is just because she’s just such a photogenic Daughter-In-Law.  Beats looking at me, anyhow.  Hahahaha.

Have a good weekend, y’all.  Check back Sunday for what I hope will be a tear-jerker. 

With the thermometer topping out at 94 this week, we decided to put the pool up on Saturday.  Smart people are we.  I also now have two clotheslines.  That way I can actually hang a whole load out there. 

Gary was cleaning up the garage and Annie was helping him.  If by helping, you mean jumping around like a Mexican Jumping Bean. 

To keep her occupato for a bit, he told her to get in the car and honk the horn.  To quote the little girl ‘Me brobe Dada’s go-go.’  She broke the windshield wiper arm do-flicker clean off the steering column.  No biggie, right?  Little plastic arm, maybe $30?  I may have died a little bit when the guy at AutoZone told me it was a $360 part. 

It’s a stupid plastic arm!  But, as it turns out, it’s a whole wiring harness assembly and it involves not only the wiper controller, but the turn signals (on the other side of the column) as well as the airbags and horn.  Super Glue to the rescue! 

Failing that, a blade screwdriver will operate the Subaru’s wipers until at least September.  If God is on my side the day it gets inspected, the wipers aren’t a safety issue and no one will care what makes them work, as long as they do.  Shut UP, I LIKE my delusions. 

And then Gary and Shawn went over to Kirk’s to help with the new doors and us girls went over after naps for supper. 

And some wading pool fun for the little people. 

Even Noah got in on the action in the pool.

And some bocce.  

Annie made friends with Kirk’s neighbor’s kids and they played in their yard for quite some time.  Including a Slip’n'Slide and a trampoline AND a swingset with a bumpy slide!  Annie was upset when it was time for dessert, is what I’m saying.

 

Sunday my husband did up the few loads of wash that were in the basement and cooked breakfast and dinner, thereby giving me two days off, effectively.  There was nothing to do on Monday but play.  Which is precisely what we did.   

You’ll never guess what we’re doing today!  Laundry and yep, more pool!  It’s a hard job, but someone’s gotta do it.

I have a confession.  I would like to be completely self-sufficient, self-reliant, whatever.  I would like to not have to buy food, electricity or gas.  I would like to live in the country somewhere with about ten acres and not have to deal with people at all.  Unfortunately, at the moment I live in the suburbs.  I refuse to call this town a city, okay.  Which means that my garden can be only so big, what with the other houses and all.  But isn’t it pretty?

I think sometimes ‘I would like it if my husband brought home flowers for me now and again.’  And then I walk outside and realize ‘Why on earth would he do that?  I’ve got ‘em all right here.’

Even roses.  And we all know how I feel about roses. 

I am completely in love with the Macro Zoom on my new camera, can you tell?

For real, you can see the VEINS OF THE ROSE.  How utterly groovy is that?

And, I would like to say that I’m doing the next little thing in an effort to ‘go green’ but that would be wrong.  I’m doing it for two reasons.  Number one: the light bill.  Holy Old Nuts, have you LOOKED at that thing recently?  Sweet Mary.  And number two: sun-smelling clothes. 

Please note the itty bitty underwear on the far left, between the washclothes.  How cute are they, I ask you.

What are your summer obsessions?

First off, Annie had her very first ever throwing up adventure last night.  She’s never been throwing up sick, and I’m reasonably sure she was more scared than anything while it was going down, uh coming up.  Ba-dum-bump.  She and I are a wee bit tired this morning, what with the excitement at midnight, triple overtime for the Pens and just generally being sick.  Her, not me.  Knock wood.  I had big plans to go to the playground today, but I think we’ll just do the grocery store and then see if we can keep the couch from levitating for a while. 

This malaise, whatever in tarnation it is, is accompanied by this hacking little girl cough and it’s making me crazy.  Nothing seems to be making it stop, not even sleep, and I really really hate it when the kids are not up to snuff.  I don’t like the helplessness of it on my end.  

We now return to our regularly schedule Beach Trip Saga.

***

On Thursday we had nothing planned but you know, more Beach Bumming.  And that’s precisely what we did. 

On Friday we met up with Maddie and AJ again…

we hauled water…

we knocked down banks. 

Gracie appropriated other people’s chairs and rafts. 

Pappy went for a walk. 

You know, the usual.  After naps, Pappy took the van over to visit with JC and Janie again - without the constant distraction of ‘For the love of God, stop messing with that!’  We thought he might enjoy a little adult time after being All Toddler All The Time for six days.  I think we were right, not that he’ll ever admit it. 

The ride to JC’s took him thirty-five minutes.  The ride home took him an hour and a half.  Have I mentioned that it was Bike Week?  Not just any Bike Week, but Black Bike Week.  (I swear, that’s what it’s called.) 

Regular Bike Week was winding down when we got there, just in time for fourteen thousand scary black people on those damn crotch rockets to come screaming into town.  Apparently this week causes a major upheaval because while the Regular Bikers (RB) just spend their week going from bar to bar to Hooters, the Black Bikers (BB) spend their week screaming up each and every street at all hours of the day and night.  Leaving a mess and occasionally a dead body or two in their wake.  The word on the street is that this is probably the last year for Black Bike Week because in addition to the chaos, their leaders are in still in jail from Black Bike Week 2007.  Huh.

Anyway, Pappy was sitting at a red light on the way home and four BB’s came out of a side street and proceeded to block all opposing lanes of traffic in order to let their brethren all onto the highway.  Which took a good twenty minutes.  He was less than impressed, shall we say.  I was less than amused until he got home, imagining making the phone calls back up here with the news that Pappy was cracked up because he was in my van, driving.  Once he made it home safe and sound, I thought it was funny as hell.  But I’m a sick sick puppy. 

But the whole Black Biker thing made us late to Miss Betty’s for supper that night.  We did eventually make it, and we ate chicken and dumplings and BS’d until quite late.  I think we left at nine at night.  That’s almost past my bedtime, y’all.  Naturally, I left my brand new Target sunglasses on Betty’s kitchen bar.  Of course.  And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I refuse to buy expensive sunglasses. 

It was our last night at the beach and we spent some time on the balcony just listening to the waves. 

The next morning, we loaded the van and tied things to the roof and hit the road. 

Stopping only for Starbucks, roadside produce, potty breaks and such. 

The drive that took us twelve hours to make down, took us fifteen to make back home.  See?  Even Patsy didn’t want to come home. 

Sad faces abounded Saturday morning:

      

All in all, we had a spentabulous week at the beach.  I hope Pappy gives the same report.  And with any luck, we’ll do it again next year.  Hopefully with less tantrums.

 

After the storm blew through Monday night, Tuesday was yet another perfect day.  Other than the dead jellyfish that were washed up on the shore.  Let’s just say that I gave them a wiiiiiide berth.  Icky little devils.  

ICKY ICKY ICKY

There was a little creek that went right by our hotel and fed into the ocean.  Every morning as the tide went out, it created a small river with banks about four iches high.  Annie insisted that these be knocked down daily.  Generally making sure that Pappy helped her, too.

On the way to the ‘river’ to knock down the banks

And there were sandcastles to be built…

Building their own castles

water to be fetched from the ‘be poo’…

Such a cute water boy, no?

and of course, naps to be taken.  We were scheduled for supper at Janie and J.C’s house that evening.  JC was on the Brazier with Pappy in WWII.  I believe he was in the Communications Room with Jack.  I do know that after the war, he was an undercover narcotics agent for the FBI.  It’s one of the interesting tidbits of J.C. that he can tell you what mile marker every turn on every interstate highway is.  Another of the interesting things about J.C. is his wife, Janie.  But I’m getting ahead of myself. 

Miss Janie

Janie and J.C. live in a gated community, which means that we had be cleared through security before we could even get in the place.  Once we found their house (on the second try), we unloaded the children into the loving arms of the ladies.  After dispensing hugs, Annie promptly handed Miss Jean her most valuable possession (Ny-ny)

Why does she look as confused as me?

and chased after the ducks that live in the hedges.  Miss Janie obediently delivered a few slices of bread to feed them with. 

Quack, quack

Once we made it inside, the girls fell in love with a wheelchair-y tye thing.  That was positioned directly in front of an HD plasma television that I have no doubt weighs more than both of them combined.  Annie thought it would be a good idea to continously wiggle the table it sat on. 

I swear, if she jostled that table one more time, that TV was coming down

And then we had dinner.  A beautiful Southern smorgasboard of yummy food.  Including something called Pineapple casserole.  And an eggplant casserole that was not at all egg-plant-y.  That reminds me, I have to call her to get those recipes. 

Pappy and JC

At some point, Janie declared that she wanted to be rid of her bra.  Apparently, she has arthritis in her spine and the worst part is right where her bra hooks.  But, it did bring up the story of the time she removed it through her sleeves (like all women know how to do) on her way out of a restaurant at a particular reunion.  I guess Pappy didn’t know that couldn’t be done?  I don’t know, but he tells that story every chance he gets.  And it never gets less funny. 

If only she’d keep it on the ROAD

And then Pappy dumped iced tea all over J.C. and Janie.  We’re still not clear how that happened.  But it meant that the little girls needed to be somewhere else while J.C. got his clothes changed.  So we took the golf cart out for a spin. 

Such a um…what, exactly?

After a dessert of cake made by Miss Jean, it was time to gather up the food and put it away.  At which point, Janie decided that it was her mission to feed us Pennsylvanians for the duration of our stay.  And then reminded me that storage in a kitchen is like sex.  Once you have it, you always want it.   

She finally figured out the bucket/shovel connection

And thus ends another day in paradise. 

***

In other news, Gary’s Grandmother passed away Thursday evening and we went to the funeral on Sunday.  After the beach trip saga is done, there will be pictures of that day-trip.  Can’t wait, can you?

Monday dawned with the promise of yet more sunny weather.  It was delicious.  I actually left the camera in the room and just lounged on the beach with everyone else.  We did absolutely nothing, except nap.  And eat.  And nap some more.  We’re highly exciting, no?

I was with Gracie upstairs while she napped. They got to play. And wave at me!

I believe it was Monday that I served something called Chicken Fries for supper.  As well as french fries.  Apparently when I was in the Food Lion I decided to chuck any sense of nutritional value and go for quick and easy.  And I did have to factor in Pappy’s weird eating habits.  The ones where he eats about ten things.  And only those ten things. 

Forewarned is forearmed: Chicken Fries sucked ass.  Oh my goodness were they bad.  But everyone choked them down and promised me they were ‘eatable.’  Oh yeah, I feel better now. 

She thought this thing was the bomb, man!

Tuesday, we played on the beach and at the pool in the morning and then we met Betty, Curtis, Jean and Jack for lunch at The Sea Captain’s House.  It’s housed in a building that used to be a summer cottage and it sits right smack on top of the sand.  It may have been closer to the beach than our hotel.  It was an incredibly delicious meal, including something called She-Crab soup that Betty had and insisted I taste.  It was good, in a crabby kind of way.  

Don’t you just wanna gobble her up?

And then we decided since we were out and about anyway, we should just do our shopping for the peeps back home and be done with it.  First stop: Bass Pro Shops.  Where Annie decided that she wanted a boat.  A ‘be boab’ (big boat) no less.  Bass Pro staff is currently baby-sitting her boat for her, until she can get back.  And pay for it herself. 

Annie’s ready to go ‘ea, ea’. 

After our shopping adventures, we head back to the hotel for naps.  Everyone (but me, I read) has one and we attempt to make a decision about supper.  At some point, Pappy started to play catch with a kid on the lawn.  Kid would throw a volleyball up, Pappy’d catch it and throw it back.  Great game.  Until the kid mis-threw and it went onto the balcony next door.  On the other side of six inches on concrete wall. 

Big fishies.

Pappy goes and knocks on the door, but they’re not home.  He goes down to the desk, but they’re not allowed to enter an occupied room.  Kid’s shit out of luck.  Not that we stop harrassing the neighbor’s door, but apparently they’re golfers who like to spend the entire day on the course. 

Big boat. Annie wants.

It was close to dinnertime so we headed to the local Burger King.  For the very simple reason that we don’t have one near us at home anymore and we wanted Whoppers.  Well, Gary and I wanted Whoppers, Pappy just wanted a hamburger.  Done.  And then we went out for ice cream, too.  With a stop in between at the Piggly Wiggly for a breakfast type sweet roll. 

Nutso guys windsurfing…

Now it’s early evening and there’s clearly a storm coming in.  So we settled the girls into their jammies, gave them a snack and sat on the balcony to watch some crazy fools windsurf.  Which was really quite amazing, I have to say.  They were strapped to these little surfboard-y type things and had these giant parachute-y things strapped to them and they could steer and stuff.  They’d catch a wave and the wind at the same time and *poof* they’re fifteen or twenty feet in the air. 

And flying!

And because what Tuesday is complete without Hell’s Kitchen, we watched Rosann go home.  And went to bed with a storm brewing in the Atlantic.  What a way to fall asleep, listening to the ocean and the thunder at the same time.

Pre-storm moon.

Nice bedtime snack of chocolate pudding. Yum.